• Wells Fargo: created fake accounts using customers’ identities
  • Chik-fil-a: homophobes
  • Hobby lobby: refuses to pay for women’s healthcare
  • Home Depot: hard to find/get help from employees when I’m looking for something specific. Big store. A lot of them are on forklifts and can’t hear me. Still smells good though.
  • New balance: official shoe of white supremacists.
  • Duck dynasty: official show of white supremacists
  • Hard Rock Cafe: Too loud. My ex works at one of these.
  • The Washington redskins: assholes who perpetuate, and are proud of perpetuating, racism
  • Amazon: CEO Jeff Bezos supports trump
  • Amazon Prime: A MUST. USE.
  • The New York Times: refuses to deliver to my houseboat because it “keeps moving”
  • Apple: Suicides in foreign factories like the ones owned by foxconn now in the hundreds.
  • Starbucks: killed countless jungle cats after they were told the animals were “filled to the brim with beans”
  • Target: CEO Brian Cornell was caught, tried, and convicted of tax fraud after sneaking into the filing cabinet in my garage and adding one dependent to the paperwork I filed for my return last year
  • Breitbart News: Run by the modern day reincarnation of Joseph goebbles. Exclusively reports lies. Once reported that Starbucks was killing jungle cats after being informed the animals were “filled to the brim with beans”. This is patently untrue. And very funny.
  • Trader Joe’s: Forces employees to sneeze on every product they stock.
  • Facebook: Wants us to use live video
  • Arby’s: is an Arby’s
  • Ben and Jerry’s: work to attack the sanctity of marriage every day.
  • Abercrombie and fitch: can suck my Abercrombie and dick.

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