NEWS IN BRIEF
New York, NY- Onlookers today at Manhattan’s iconic Macy’s Thanksgiving Parade were stunned as they witnessed a rogue Guy Fieri speed out of an alleyway and join the procession in his custom built float. “It was so loud.” Reported Ben Remeling who had been enjoying a snoopy balloon with his two toddlers when the disruption occurred. “Thunderous flames shot out of the tailpipes and immediately my children’s ears were bleeding.” Witnesses established that the nearly 50-foot tall monster truck was plastered with flame decals and had the overwhelming stench of not only diesel fuel, but also barbecue sauce and Corona. “Then we saw a visor and frosted tips emerge from the sunroof”, Commented Melinda Fredricks, a second witness, “He poked his head out with a bullhorn and shout something like, “This Thanksgiving let’s all Thank it up… to eleven”. Which doesn’t even make sense. Was it a play on the word crank? I’m so confused. How could something like this happen?” Other witnesses reported Fieri then began throwing heavy frozen hams into the crowd, injuring many. At press time recovery teams had searched the now burned out husk of Fieri’s truck, only to find a perfectly cooked brisket.