NEWS IN BRIEF

WASHINGTON DC- Listing the merits of the proposed pipeline plan in front of congress Saturday, house republicans touted the bill’s unparalleled ability to bring globs to the people of America. “Right now what we need to stimulate this economy are more globs, and this pipeline will funnel globs right through the heart of America.” Explained house speaker John Boehner, “The pipeline’s a glob creating machine. It’s time to stop outsourcing and looking for globs in foreign countries when we could create all the globs we need right here at home.” The proposal however faces pushback from democrats. “These globs are not sustainable.” Commented Senator Chuck Schumer, “The future of energy is not in these sorts of globs. These sorts of globs will dry up eventually, leaving the people of this country without any globs at all.” At press time Democrats had presented an alternative plan to invest in renewable, technological glob markets created by innovators like Google or the late Steve Globs.

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