NEWS IN BRIEF

A CARTOON ISLAND- Sources confirmed earlier this week that despite one leprechaun’s constant paranoia, animated children were not in fact ‘after his Lucky Charms’. “Red balloons, shooting stars, four leaf clovers, you think we give shit?”, commented one such colorful drawing of a boy, “We want parents. We want to know what it’s like to truly feel and love, To be made of flesh and blood. We want off of this dessert fucking island with this coked out leprechaun who won’t stop talking about rainbows”.

According to reports the leprechaun often dropped the box of cartoon cereal on purpose then acted as if it was an accident. “He’s a sick son of a bitch. I don’t truly understand his intentions. We aren’t human. We have no need or desire for food. How can we be expected to care about a complete breakfast when we feel so incomplete ourselves?” Commented yet another vague depiction of a Caucasian girl aged 9-14. “There is something deeply concerning about what we’re missing. Something human. I want to end it all. And God help us we’ve tried. We choke each other until we literally turn blue and the breath leaves our bodies but we always jolt back to life with a sproing sound effect. It truly is hell.” At press time the children were disturbed to find that there was now an animated rabbit watching them at all hours of the day in the hopes they’d lead him to some Trix cereal.

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